There Is No Middle Ground; Dave Mustaine Is Either Senile Or Illuminati

Meeting Dave Mustaine, ever so briefly as it was, couldn’t have been a cooler experience. He signed a copy of his book, gave me a jab for getting my buddy Peter a second signed copy (In light of recent events, maybe he thought it was my life partner), thanked me for coming out and I was on my way. He didn’t have enough time to babble any nonsense so, through a little bit of doublethink (I always knew he was kind of off-kilter) I managed to salvage my idea of how cool I thought Dave was. Essentially, my 15 year old self was riding a pretty euphoric high upon meeting his childhood guitar idol. That night Pete and I had a blast at the show; the band sounded great, I knew the setlist front to back, I saw a couple old friends, made some new ones, everything was perfect. Fast forward about a year. Dave is now spewing more abrasive nonsense than in his drug-induced party days. Proof that drugs are cool and good for you. Don’t stop doing them or you’ll go insane. I mean, you try being down with JC and still reclaiming your rep as heavy metal loose canon. It’s hard out here for a rock star! Still, there seems to be something fishy about the whole circus. A quick recap of the nonsense.

In an LA Weekly interview:

There’s so many houses without a dad that it’s just terrible. I mean, you know how they used to say there should be a license to have a baby? Well, as far-fetched as that sounds, I really think that, if the parents aren’t going to stick together, they shouldn’t make that kind of commitment to life. I watch some of these shows from over in Africa, and you’ve got starving women with six kids. Well, how about, you know, put a plug in it? It’s like, you shouldn’t be having children if you can’t feed them.

So, “African women”, should just put a plug in it. Let’s leave the most obvious sexist and racist undertones alone for a second. For a guy who for so long has claimed to understand the away geopolitical dynamics work, Dave seems to be suffering from selective amnesia again. Perhaps he hasn’t seen the statistics that show a correlation between large families in 3rd world countries and low life-expectancy. Roughly put, people in the poorest countries have more kids because they are unsure about how many kids will survive infancy. Whatevs. Details!

He also talked about how awesome ol’ Dick Santorum is. If you haven’t read the quote:

Earlier in the election, I was completely oblivious as to who Rick Santorum was, but when the dude went home to be with his daughter when she was sick, that was very commendable. Also, just watching how he hasn’t gotten into doing these horrible, horrible attack ads like Mitt Romney’s done against Newt Gingrich, and then the volume at which Newt has gone back at Romney … you know, I think Santorum has some presidential qualities, and I’m hoping that if it does come down to it, we’ll see a Republican in the White House … and that it’s Rick Santorum

So, Washington is wrapped in a cocoon of one all-seeing new world order but somehow the gay-bashing dude you pretty much endorsed for president –the same guy who thinks women should keep rape babies as a gift from the man upstairs– wasn’t invited to the world domination tupperware party? The cognitive bankruptcy is astounding. Though a metal band can’t get preggers, Dave does have to live with the fallout of raping the band’s image, just as all-wise Emperor Santorum would have wanted.

Oh also he doesn’t support gay marriage cause he’s not gay. Since he isn’t a woman, we’ll assume he’s down to roll back women’s suffrage too. In fact, not being Native American, he’s probably down with Andrew Jackson’s Trail of Tears.

I’ve been slowly putting the pieces of this puzzle together, updating the ol’ Dave Mustaine cork-board of insanity and, like a detective working to solve a mystery massive enough to crush his very soul, I think I’ve cracked Da Mustaine Code. The only rationale explanation is that this is either a publicity stunt, he’s trolling all of us or both. It’s all so absurd that it almost betrays a sense of self-awareness acute enough to only be explained by Dave being on some shadowy society’s payroll. Releasing a backcatalog track about the NWO is just laziness, you say? No, no. It’s just the kind of turncoat ass-covering I’d expect from a newly minted world-government drone. I’m on to you, Mustaine.

For srs though, Megadeth as a “political” band? I can’t think of anything more laughable. Political bands understand politics, number one. Two, they debate openly and regularly. Throwing journalists half-witted bigot-speak doesn’t count, especially when they have obviously been conditioned to fish for this kind of stuff from you. Maybe when Megadeth were making records about loose nukes at the end of the cold war they were both relevant and badass but even then you have to credit the artists and marketers that put together Rust In Piece. You know what sucks most? I like the last record, it wasn’t Rust In Peace, or even The System Has Failed, but it was good. I sure know how to pick ‘em.