So, who writes this alcohol induced psychobabble? The short answer is several people. The long answer is it doesn’t matter. Aside from telling you where this rhetorically masturbatory shrine was first spawned –the grim and foreboding pine labyrinths of the American Northwest– the subject matter doesn’t warrant names and faces (though our beautiful mugs will occasionally pop up). After listening to metal for many moons, what sill stands out is its everyman quality. That’s right. Hark! I am your Heavy Metal Andrew Jackson! Instead of a specific columnist, think about the yuppies you pass on the street, sipping coffee, wearing dress clothes, with short, clean haircuts. It only takes about 20 minutes to zip home, hop inside that phone booth and Superman is alive. Metalheads are all around us. Metal is everyone and it is no one. Like agents in the Matrix or werewolves, they are beasts forced to take human form to avoid arousing suspicion.
We here at Shreddernet love nearly any and all metal subgenres, with particular affinities for black metal, thrash, deathmetal and anything fun or retro. Stoner rock, hard rock and other non-metal forms of music will grace our pages as well when deemed appropriate. We’re hoping this spin will provide readers with a unique metal blog cocktail to enjoy. However, we realize we need to do more to be unique.
Therefore, here are some things we’re going to try to avoid:
1) Lengthy album reviews – There are plenty of blogs out there that write dissertations dissecting concerts and new releases. We’re not going to pick apart every riff or analyze the pitch of guttural growls or pig squeals. We will let you know if any of the aesthetics get annoying however.
2) Overly artistic reviews – every reject techy has time to write philosophy term papers on their favorite band while doing bong rips in their mom’s basement. However, if there is an angle which we think is underexposed, we will present it to you comprehensively, and BRIEFLY, along with any third party info. Come to think of it, I’m sitting in a basement…moving on.
3) Being uptight tr00ists – elitism was one of the main driving factors that drove a few of us away from the metal scene for a few years. We’re not in the business of talking down to anyone. Sometimes things do get out of hand and we have to say something, however. For example, people infuse metal with things that really detract from the potent combo of aesthetics and attitude that make metal what it is. That being said, I don’t mean like WWE “attitude”, I mean not taking ourselves too seriously. This is no act of benevolence, mind you. A couple of our writers like some pretty laughalarious stuff; we’re kind of forced into this self-depreciating hole. Those who point out that metal is often hilariously ridiculous and think you’ve cracked the fucking Da Vinci Code, should take one look at the mopy self-conscious minimalism that is alt rock and the institutional stereotype machine that is most of Hip Hop. Music is one big joke that you might just not be in on.
Here is a quick rundown of some of our featured segments and the niche they fill.
This is that hazy stroll down the aisle of your local second-hand record store, figuratively of course since those businesses are STRUGGLIN these days. Every week we’ll take you back in time into metal history, whether it be the classic rock records of the 70s, the groundbreaking metal milestones of the 80’s and 90’s or just some cool videos or funny tid bits about metal’s past. It will be funny, gnarley, interesting, nostalgic, sad and sometimes all of the above.
Several times a month, we will dedicate a spot to a local band doing their thing and doing it well. Most of these will be unsigned and self-produced. It’s not gonna be Queensryche and Nevermore, but it will give you cultured, jolly people some confidence when sorting through local bills and deciding which gigs to attend.
Black Metal. From raw, chainsaw-ripping blasphemy to avant garde somber compositions, we’ll try to expose you to a cool new band or record we’ve been spinning. Black Metal itself has spawned more sub genres than you can shake a battle axe at, so we want to give those interested in the dark arts some fresh blood every week. Hailz!
All that being said, the blog will change and reinvent itself as heavy metal has done time and again. (Actually, I’ve just come to realize that I make such obscenely laughable decisions that ALL of my endeavors are subject to review)
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